Once More
by SylvaDragon
Summary: After the defeat of Voldemort Dumbledore returns from the afterlife one more time, to try to put right his failings regarding Harry. Shocks and surprises follow as secrets are revealed, and mysterious things hinted at. MMAD.


Once More

The war was over, the final battle fought and won though with too many loved ones lost, too many families broken, some beyond repair. Sometimes in the dark of the night, as he gazed at the stars and tried to find peace, Harry wondered if it had been worth it - if the price had been too high. Sometimes he felt more broken more wounded than any of them. At times it was as though darkness gripped his soul as bitterness and anger raged within him. Why him ? No one should have to do what had been demanded of him, what Dumbledore had demanded of him, expected, taken for granted.

As the days since the defeat of Voldemort had passed so Harry had come to realise that he had not forgiven Albus Dumbledore. After the encounter at King's Cross Harry had thought that he had forgiven Dumbledore, to see his mentor so sad, so tormented. How could he not forgive ? After all Dumbledore had acted for the greater good. Yet Harry could not silence the small voice that whispered, _'What about me ? How could he use me like that ? Didn't he care at all ?' _

After all what reassurance had Dumbledore actually given him, to speak so lightly so casually of Harry's death, to say that he had guessed what would happen as though it were a matter of no real importance to him. And so night after sleepless night Harry stared into the blank unanswering darkness, as the same bitter resentful question played endlessly in his head - is that all I was, just a weapon ?

Almost without being aware of it Harry found himself drawn out into the cool night air, and towards the forest of firs that clothed the slopes of the mountains. As the thin figure of the boy who'd never had a proper childhood vanished among the trees, a pair of worried emerald eyes watched from the window of the Headmistresses study, a pair of thin lips pursed in sadness and concern.

As Harry entered the forest the dark trees seemed to close in around him until there was only one path to take, almost as though he were being guided in a certain direction. The overhanging branches flicked against Harry's shoulders and face, the sharp pine needles stung his pale skin like the lash of a whip. Harry scarcely felt them as he followed the path blindly, barely aware of where he was going, oblivious of the soft light of dawn painting the tops of the trees with golden glory.

A turn in the path led to a clearing among the firs, the ground was covered in rich green moss flecked with glimmering dewdrop jewells, sunlight touched the ferns so that they shone like emeralds, and against the trunk of a tree leant the unmistakable figure of Albus Dumbledore. A tall hat in a vibrant shade of purple was perched on Dumbledore's head, and he wore a flowing purple robe decorated with shimmering stars. His feet were clad in large bright red boots with golden buckles, and were crossed nonchalantly as Dumbledore leant against the tree trunk humming contentedly, seemingly oblivious of Harry's presence.

Harry spent the next few moments gaping at Dumbledore in stunned disbelief. Slowly he noticed how Dumbledore seemed to glow slightly, almost as though he were bathed in a soft golden light like an aura. Harry shook his head a couple of times, was this happening inside his head just like last time ? After all Dumbledore didn't normally glow like this.

Dumbledore chuckled lightly almost as though he knew exactly what Harry was thinking, and suddenly his piercing sapphire gaze was fixed on Harry in just the way Harry remembered. "Hello Harry." Dumbledore said softly, as though seeing long dead wizards leaning casually against trees was perfectly normal.

When Harry failed to answer, Dumbledore's gaze grew even sharper as his eyes seemed to sparkle like twilight stars. "How do you feel Harry ?" Dumbledore asked gently.

Suddenly it all surged furiously to the surface, all the built up resentment and sense of betrayal that Harry had tried so hard to bury. "How would you feel if someone was just using you as a weapon, setting you up to die ?" Harry asked bitterly, as his fists clenched in rage and he wished that Dumbledore was still alive so that he could smash him in the face, hurt him as he'd hurt Harry.

A spasm of pain and sorrow flitted across Dumbledore's face darkening it with grief and regret, like a shadow that passes across the sun. "So Minerva was right then ..." He murmured to himself, so faintly that Harry barely heard him. A despairing shake of the silvery head, a sudden lessening of the familiar twinkle, leaving his eyes dull and dead, a sigh like a mournful breath of wind. "That I could be so blind, so foolish ..." Dumbledore muttered as his head drooped as though in defeat, and he gazed in seeming despair at the mossy ground.

Harry glared at Dumbledore in blazing fury, he was dammed if he'd feel sorry for Dumbledore even though he did seem genuinely saddened by Harry's words.

Just as Harry thought that the silence between them might go on forever Dumbledore raised his head, and with blue eyes which shimmered, as though full with unshed tears, gazed directly into Harry's raging eyes. "I thought you knew you see ..." Dumbledore whispered faintly, "Was foolish enough to think ..."

As Dumbledore seemed almost to be fumbling for words Harry stared at him in disbelief, he'd never known Dumbledore at a loss for words before. He seemed genuinely upset, remourseful even - or was this just another pretence ?

"You were never just a weapon Harry, you were far more than that to me ..." Dumbledore said gently, as he reached out a hand as though to pat Harry soothingly on the shoulder, then withdrew it rapidly as Harry glared venomously at him.

"Knew what ?" Harry snarled, "That you knew I'd have to die and did nothing to prevent it, or maybe you even planned it, after all getting rid of voldemort was all that really mattered wasn't it ?"

Dumbledore's shoulders drooped as though in defeat, and for a few moments he stared in in silence at the leafs that hung from the branches overhead, as they fluttered mournufully in the breeze.

"No Harry, I thought you knew how much I care for you, how much you mean to me. I thought foolishly that I had shown you this." Dumbledore paused for a moment before continuing, as though he was striving for self control. Harry almost had the impression that Dumbledore was fighting back tears. Suddenly Dumbledore seemed to tire and sighing heavily took a seat on a fallen log, that Harry was sure hadn't been there before. As Dumbledore sat on the emerald green cushion of moss it blossomed with white and pink flowers, which brushed softly against his rich purple robes.

Then as though with great effort Dumbledore began to speak in a voice that sounded far weaker than normal, and seemed to tremble slightly. "Harry I loved you. I always did, from the first moment that I held you in my arms as a baby .... yes harry I knew you well as a baby, I was very fond of your parents, very fond indeed. One might almost say that you were like a grandson to me ... that was what made it so hard ... so very very hard to let you go, and Minerva of course did not approve at all, she wanted to keep you.

Dumbledore sighed softly, while Harry gaped at him in open mouthed astonishment. It was scarcely to believe, Professor McGonagall had wanted to keep him. Before Harry could gather his thoughts Dumbledore continued speaking.

"Of course your parents were some of the few people to know about Minerva and I ..." Dumbledore seemed almost to be lost in memories now, his expression a mixture of wistful sorrow and sparkling humour. "Ah yes, it was during one of James' many midnight escapades that he happened to come unexpectedly upon Minerva and I in a somewhat compromising situation." Dumbledore chuckled lightly, "Seldom have I seen Minerva so embarrassed, she really did look most lovely ..." Suddenly Dumbledore seemed to remember who he was talking to, shook himself slightly and said, "Anyway as I was saying both James and Lily knew about us but agreed to keep our secret, though they teased us mercilessly about it."

Harry was staring at Dumbledore open mouthed and astounded, his anger and rage forgotten. Was Dumbledore saying what he seemed to be saying, that Professor McGonagall and the Headmaster had been a couple ? Harry didn't know how to feel about this, he'd never even thought about Hogwarts staff having romances or kissing or .... Harry shuddered as he thought about what might come after kissing and resisted the urge to mutter "Ew Yuck." Somehow he just couldn't imagine Professors being in love, espeicially someone so strict as McGonagall. _'Anyway weren't her and Dumbledore too old for things like that ?'_

Dumbledore was looking at Harry in great amusement, his earlier gloom seemingly forgotten, his sapphire eyes twinkling merrily. "Ah yes ... I believe your dear father looked much the same when he discovered us ..." he said lightly, "But I assure you Harry that professors do indeed have private lifes though the students may not know about them, and yes Harry they do even kiss." Dumbledore added mischeviously.

Harry shuffled uncomfortably he wasn't sure that he wanted to hear about McGonagall and Dumbledore kissing. Though Hermione probably would have thuoght it cute and adorable - that was girls for you.

The corners of Dumbledore's mouth twitched humourously as he noticed Harry's discomfort. "Ah yes your father thought us both too old too as I recall." He said gently, "But Harry remember this, we do not loose the ability to love as we grow old, love is just as glorious, just as sweet when it comes later in life. Minerva was my rock Harry, without her there by my side through all the dark times perhaps I might not have been the same crazy old coot that I was."

For several minutes there was silence as Harry tried to come to terms with all he'd learned, and Dumbledore seemed lost in the land of memories. Then Dumbledore reached out a hand and rested it tentatively on Harry's arm. The touch was so warm and soft, that Harry found it hard to believe that Dumbledore was truly dead.

"I am sorry my boy, I did not realise how I had failed you. I tried after Sirius died to let you know how much I loved you, but it seems I failed with this and for that I can only beg your forgiveness." Dumbledore said gently as a singled tear wended it's way down his face, and was captured by the silver hairs of his beard where it glistened like a crystal.

Harry didn't know what to say so he just sat in silence, feeling Dumbledore's hand resting lightly on his arm. Afterwards when Harry looked back on this final meeting with Dumbledore, he thought that the silence between them had lasted nearly for ever. It was a good kind of silence though, full of calmness, acceptance and forgiveness.

At last Dumbledore broke the silence as he said gently, "And now my dear Harry, I fear it is time for me to leave you."

At once Harry's heart sunk. "Will I see you again ?" He asked in a voice that tried very hard not to tremble and break. He had a horrible feeling that he wouldn't.

The hand that rested lightly on Harry's shoulder trembled slightly. "You are like a grandson to me Harry, and I will miss you, but now is your time to live in a glorious new world, and I shall be watching over you as will your mother, father, and Sirius." Dumbledore answered gently.

"They really watch over me, all of them ?" Harry asked, as he tried to bite back the tears that threatened to fall. "And you as well ?" Harry added, scarcely able to believe that Dumbledore would bother to watch over him. Suddenly despite all his losses Harry felt very loved indeed, to think that so many people cared for him and watched over him from the after life.

"Of course Harry. Did you really think you were alone ? Do you not remember what I once said to you, about how those we love never really leave us ?" Dumbledore answered with a soft smile, "I am with you, just as I am with Minerva, remember harry I am just a thought away." The gentle grandfatherly hand ruffled Harry's hair, just as it had that time so long ago in sickbay during Harry's first year, and Harry felt safe and loved for the first time in a long while.

Suddenly unexpectedly Harry felt Dumbledore draw him towards him in a brief hesitant embrace. At any other time Harry would have felt horribly embarrassed but somehow this was different, and filled with the urge to let Dumbledore know that everything was all right, he wrapped his arms around his headmaster's waist tightly. At once Dumbledore's arms folded warmly around Harry in a tender grandfatherly hug. For the longest time the two men stood wrapped in each other's arms, Harry's head resting lightly against Dumbledore's chest, and it seemed as though all the wounds between them had been healed, so there was only deep abiding friendship and love left.

"It is time Harry ..." Dumbledore's voice murmured softly in Harry's ear. Easing Harry gently away from him, so that he could look into his eyes for a few moments, Dumbledore rested his hands lightly on Harry's shoulders. Then as Harry nodded in acceptance, he ruffled Harry's hair and stepped back with a wistful smile. Dumbledore's bright blue eyes sparkled intensely as he leant once more against the tree, his silvery hair seeming almost to shimmer against his vibrant purple robes. As Harry gazed at him Dumbledore seemed to fade slightly, then to Harry's astonishment it seemed that the now faintly ethereal form of Albus Dumbledore was smoking a long stemed pipe and merrily blowing smoke rings. Harry blinked rapidly and rubbed his eyes, when he looked again the pipe was gone and Dumbledore was twinkling at him.

"Something wrong, my dear boy ?" Dumbledore asked lightly.

"I ... I ...you don't smoke do you Sir ?" Harry stuttered uncertainly.

Dumbledore chuckled lightly the twinkle in his eyes growing merrier by the moment. "No my dear boy, never have and never will. However Gandalf did, and Merlin too ... but that's a story for another day ..."

As Harry gaped at Dumbledore in bewilderment, Dumbledore chuckled once more then with a wistful half smile vanished. His final words hanging on the air. "Remember Harry this isn't really goodbye. I am just a thought away."

As he made his way back to the castle Harry felt lighter and cleaner, as though a great weight had finally been lifted from him. As he saw the flags atop the quidditch pitch fluttering in the breeze he began to smile, Dumbledore was right, this was a glorious world.

In her chambers Minerva McGonagall glanced out of the window and saw Harry crossing the grounds. At once she noticed the change in him, how he moved as though freed from a heavy burden, and a rare smile lit up her face as she turned to look at the other occupant of the room.

"Thank you Albus." Minerva said softly, as her eyes caressed the tall figure clad in vivid purple who lounged in her favourite armchair, surrounded by a sparkling golden aura.

"No my love, thank you." Albus answered quietly, as he opened his arms to her and his sapphire eyes invited her to enter his embrace. "Without your wisdom I would not have realised my failings, and Harry would have continued to suffer." Sadness flitted across Albus' eyes as he spoke, darkening his face with regret and sorrow.

As Minerva settled into Albus' loving embrace, she stroked his face in a tender gesture of comfort. "Oh Albus, you did the best you could, we all make mistakes sometimes." She whispered, then kissed his silvery whiskers gently and rested her raven locks against his chest.

Time seemed almost to stop as the two held each other as they had held each other so often in life, midnight and silver hair mingling together, tear stained cheeks tenderly touching as they treasured this last embrace. As the midday sun climbed high in the sky Albus rested his forehead against Minerva's, and gazed into the emerald eyes he adored so much. As he opened his mouth to speak Minerva knew what he was going to say, and her eyes darkened as she tried to silence his words with a kiss.

The sparkle was absent from Albus' sapphire eyes as he kissed her softly on the lips, then murmured, "My love you know I cannot stay longer ... cannot come again ..."

Minerva's head dropped momentarily in defeat, then she lifted her head and eyes blazing with passion and love kissed her husband one last time, then let him drift from her arms. As Minerva watched Albus fade from her life she longed to beg him to take her with him, but she was wise enough to know that this was not her time, that she had to live her life first. "Wait for me Albus." She whispered into the air as the golden glow faded from her chambers.

"Always my love always." An ethereal whisper in her ear like a sigh kissing her cheek, one last caress from familiar loving lips. One day they would be together again for all eternity, but for now she had to live.

_Author's Notes_

_I confess to weeping shamelessly when Albus had to leave Minerva, any typos in that part are caused by tears and my inability to read it without sobbing. ;) Please review, reviews will be loved and treasured. This story is set after Voldemort's defeat, the way I imagine it is that Harry has returned to Hogwarts for his final year, which he missed. The scene referred to in the sickbay is that lovely scene in the film Philosopher's Stone when Dumbledore pats Harry on the head. I know it wasn't in the book, but I wish it had been. This story is my attempt to rectify my disappointment over the King's Cross scene in DH, and the lack of reassurance that Dumbledore gave Harry. I still don't really accept that Dumbledore is dead, but if he has to be then this is what should have happened. I desperately wanted to show that Dumbledore had made peace with his family in the afterlife, but somehow I couldn't find any way to work it in. _

_As for the little reference to Gandalf make of it what you will, all I know is that Gandalf kept intruding when I was trying to write this, so in the end I let him have his way. ;) _


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